For and By Women of a Certain Age: Woman On The Brink

To Be Female

September 3rd, 2010

Just a few days ago, some poor woman fell onto the tracks in NYC.  Thank goodness the motorman was able to stop in time, just seventy feet from the victim.  She survived, and it was a great feel good story with front page pictures in all the city papers.  I’m sure she is grateful to be alive, but as a woman I’m also pretty sure she’s thinking she will never wear vertical stripes again.  You see, she fell forward and the photos show her draped across the tracks backside foremost.  A most unfortunate angle.  To be female is to constantly worry if one’s ass looks too big, no matter how dramatic the circumstances.  Go figure.

Summers End

August 31st, 2010

Well folks, there’s no way to avoid it.  August is coming to an end and with it the true summery feel of Summer.  The stores are breaking out the cool weather clothes and school supplies are cluttering store shelves.  Kids are beginning to wear that haunted look that says ” Shit, it can’t be that time already!!!”  Around here school opens in about a week or so, and harried Mothers are counting the minutes.

 

It’s not that we don’t love our kids.  But by this time of year the at home Moms are tired of chauffeuring, refereeing, devising entertainment and trying to get their offspring to hold up their  own  end of the deal,  whatever that might be.  Working Moms have had it with sitters, unsettled schedules and the ever present “Mom guilt” that often accompanies the long summer days.  We’re a four season area, and while many wish summer would last longer, countless women are in let’s get on with it mode.

 

We do have one “child” finishing her last semester before grad school.  But she, along with  her brother, sister in law and niece are a thousand miles away.  So that leaves me without any back-to-school obligations these days, except for my own odd little September ritual.  Despite the fact I haven’t been in school since graduating High School in 1973, each Autumn I purchase myself new pencils, pens and notebook.  It makes me feel ready.  For what, I’m uncertain.  But if one of my old teachers should show up, I’m prepared to take notes.  Good grief.

 

 

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Contemplating Sorrows

August 27th, 2010

 

Maybe it’s the gloomy weather, but I’ve been contemplating sorrows the last few days.  We all have them; large and small, past and present.  For some of us, it’s ill health.  Or worse, health problems with our children or other loved ones.  Financial troubles, broken hearts, family estrangements and mental health difficulties, the list goes on and on.  So what do we do?  One can turn to alcohol or other substances.  REALLY bad idea, as tempting as it can be.  There’s the old Anglo-Saxon “stiff upper lip” attitude, to just tough it out.  I find this works best along with turning to one’s support system.  Talking with sisters, friends, cousins, aunts and other women folk just to sort things out can bring great relief.  Bitching, confiding, venting or even tears can act as a great safety valve. 

 

The sun eventually returns, both literally and figuratively.  So for me, I’m going to try and stop dwelling on things I can’t change, and losses that cannot be recovered.  Concentrate instead on the many positives in my life.  Like venting on this blog, and knowing that I can always turn to my emergency chocolate bar if need be…

 

Men

August 24th, 2010

 

I’ve been thinking about men lately, there are many in my life.  A husband, son, brother as well as brothers-in-law, nephews and friends.  But they do have their peculiarities, don’t they?  The majority of them seem as though they’d rather be audited by the IRS than have a meaningful discussion with the woman in their life.  Not all of them, of course.  But many of them do their best to avoid the dreaded phrase “let’s talk”, hearing instead “I’m going to put your head in a vise and twist the handle really hard”.  Are we women really that intimidating?

 

And what is it with them and breasts, anyway?  I understand that to a hetero guy they are an interesting secondary sex characteristic, and thus attractive.  But good grief!!  From about 4th or 5th grade they become obsessed, and it only comes to an end post mortem.  They have all sorts of methods.  Those with easily annoyed women folk master the sideways glance.  Then there are those like my husband, who just look.  For that I’m grateful.  It means he’s still among the living, and at least he doesn’t drool.  Then there are the over exuberant, or just plain obnoxious.  Their eyes pop and wolf whistles and other odd noises abound.  Having had the experience several times when I was a lot younger, it’s not pretty.  I don’t know a single girl whoever had that experience and said to herself “that guy is SO HOT, let me give him my phone number”.

 

But hey, ladies.  They are the only opposite sex we have.  So we learn to deal with it.  And then years later, to deal with the fact it probably won’t happen anymore.  Talk about mixed feelings!  Part of the circle of life, and all.  So before I break into a song from THE LION KING, I think I’ll just say goodnight!

 

 

 

Three Weeks in an Antique Bus

August 17th, 2010

 

I’ve got this three week trip across our fabulous country dancing around in my head.  There is so much, it’s difficult to know where to begin.  Never having been further west than Wisconsin, there was a great deal I hadn’t seen or experienced.  Huge mountains and desolate prairie.  Winding rivers such a deep shade of blue that it steals one’s breath.  Mount Rushmore and the in-progress gigantic Crazy Horse Monument.  Yellowstone, and watching hundreds of bison cross the road in no hurry, and with great nonchalance.  The museum of the Massacre at Wounded Knee.  Big sky and cowboy boots on fence posts around homes and ranches.  Towns with populations of 28, while one with 1500 citizens is a “city”.  Mount St. Helen’s and the stripped trees still floating in Spirit Lake 30 years later.  Landscape that can go from flat, brown and sagebrush covered to green and mountainous in the blink of an eye.

 

I feel quite humbled, and grateful to have been able to experience it all.  Mother nature always puts one in one’s place, doesn’t she?  Speaking with the “locals” is always one of the pleasures of travel.  I’ve been called “ma’am” by a cowboy (a brief instant of wishing I was 20 years younger and single) and purchased a handmade beaded necklace from an elderly Indian of immense dignity at the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Felt collective guilt while driving through miles of Reservation land, and seeing the plight of Native Americans.  Watched children play amidst a garden of flowers that had to be seen to be believed.  Saw the awe in the faces of my country men and women as they gloried in the same sights that were overwhelming me.  I also ate way too much and have expended my calorie allowance through Thanksgiving.  There’s always a down side, isn’t there?

 

Although it was close once or twice, I didn’t melt.  I learned you can spend three weeks traveling in an antique bus with friends and still be friends upon homecoming.  Realized that clothing disappears from suitcases much as it does from the dryer at home, and that I have a “Jersey” accent.  The only hamburgers you can get out west are tortured into seared and weathered hockey pucks.  No such thing as medium, let alone rare.  Having met our daughter for the last 6 days of the trip, I was reminded that she and her father are funny together, and a pleasure to watch.  Although I could have done without that one lady’s room moment with Kate.  The one where we entered a two stall bathroom with one stall occupied.  She heads for the empty perch and pounds on the other door on the way past.  Leaving me to explain to the woman that it wasn’t ME, but my daughter being amusing.  Good grief.

 

A wonderful time awaits me in September as well.  I get a few days down south, visiting our son, daughter-in-law, daughter  AND our wonderful Arielle, who is growing in leaps and bounds. I cannot wait to wrap my arms around her, and catch up with her life.  Pure heaven!  So good night and the best to all….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Purpose for Hot Flashes!

August 13th, 2010

plane

Well, my husband and I returned on the redeye from Seattle yesterday morning at six.  We boarded the plane at around ten pm.  Once airborne I requested a glass of wine, a large seltzer and a cure for mega-hot flashes.  Only got two out of three, but the flight attendant was amused.  A few bumpy moments ( and a heart felt prayer) led me to a xanax and a nap.  I always get an aisle seat and surrender the arm on the other side to my neighbor.  He was young, handsome and quite gay.  Obviously, he had no designs on my person but he must have been chilly.  He gravitated toward me the entire time he slept and despite my frequent nudges, kept coming over in my direction.  And so my hotflashes kept a random stranger warm and cozy for the entire flight.  Obviously, my life has not been in vain.

 

My thanks to Colleen for keeping the blog up during my absence in such an entertaining fashion.  She has a stylish way of expressing herself, and I was quite grateful not to have to blog while on the road using my husband’s laptop.  She saved our marriage, as I’m certain I’d have crashed it and lost everything on his hard drive, or whatever you call it.

 

As I’m still punchy from doing five thousand miles cross country in a non-air-conditioned 1930 vintage bus, I’ll quit here.  Hello again, good bye for now, and tra-la, tra-la…

 

 

 

 

Affairs of the Heart

August 10th, 2010

broken_heart

 

Recently a close friend of mine went through a break-up with her boyfriend.  Break-ups are never easy and can be unnerving and disorienting at the very least.  Such was the case with this friend.

 

I wish I had profound words of wisdom that would make everything alright again.  But sometimes the best solution is to just shoulder through it to the other side.  Even if you’re not sure whether the other side is there or not, and not sure you want to be there if it is.

 

It’s funny how the heart breaks, and funnier still how it seems to mend differently with different people, and even depending on the circumstances, with those different people.  Is it best to have a good cry and then jump right back on the dating horse?  Would careful introspection and a lengthy recovery be more prudent?  I’ve been known to do both myself, and still do not know which is the better choice.

 

Should one regurgitate every aspect of the collapsed relationship, with the hope of putting it far behind you afterwards?  Or is it best to try to stay busy and not even give it another thought?

 

I guess in the end it depends on the individual, who hopefully has a good sense of self, and knows what would work best for their particular situation.

 

One thing is certain, though:  There is indeed another side, and it won’t be as bad as the imagination makes it out to be.  Whatever was meant to be, will be, and as Winston Churchill said “If you’re going through hell, keep going!”

Those Annoying Canadian Tourism Commercials (Or…just stab me with a knitting needle through the eyes and ears, please)

August 6th, 2010

 

Am I the only one who absolutely detests those television commercials from the Canada Tourism Board?  I literally cringe when one is aired!

 

I loathe the shaky camera technique, which makes me mildly nauseous.  Do they do that to give the feeling of a bad amateur video or to hopefully keep the audiences interest?  Or maybe they do it just to make people vaguely queasy while proclaiming the shaky virtues of a Canada vacation.

 

I hate the barely-human grunts, screams and guttural sounds of the audio in all the different versions of the ad as well.  Does anyone know adults that actually utter any of these sounds?

 

What were they thinking?  I was never that interested in visiting Canada to begin with…..and now this series of commercials only make me want to visit even less.

 

The Circle of Life

August 3rd, 2010

 

With Marian’s new Grandmother status, the circle of life and its’ continuity has been on my mind a lot.  It’s really amazing, isn’t it? The birth of a baby?  To first see your children, then your grandchildren–each with part of yourself in them–born, grow and mature, to one day have children of their own?  There is something very comforting to me about that continuing cycle.  And very empowering–knowing that even after you and I are long gone, we live on in perpetuity.

 

I’ve always believed that child rearing is undoubtedly the single most important job in the world.  Simultaneously scary and wonderful, what could possibly be more important than molding the minds of the future?

Happiness is a Journey, Not a Destination

July 27th, 2010

 

Well, Marian is on her trip to Vancouver and I hope she is having a great time.  In the meantime, you’re stuck with me — Colleen.  I received a chain email today and it is one of the very few actually worth passing along.  It extols a message worth noting and one that I am going to try to embrace much more in my own life.  Too often we feel the need to put our happiness on hold — until some future event happens.  Why do we do this when we can choose to be happy here and now — with what we have and where we are at this moment?

 

            We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another.  Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are.  After that we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.  We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire.

            The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now.  If not now, when?  Your life will always be filled with challenges.  It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

            One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, ” For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - - real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to serve, a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin.  At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

            This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.  So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with … and remember that time waits for no one…..

            So stop waiting, until you finish school, go back to school, lose ten pounds, gain ten pounds, have kids…Until your kids leave the house, until you start work, retire, get married, get divorced….Until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off……Until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until the first or fifteenth…Until you’ve had a drink, until you’ve sobered up, until you die, until you are born again.  So decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.  Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Thought for the day: Work like you don’t need money, Love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like no one’s watching.